Cocoa Wah-Wah. I don’t even know where to begin. If ever heaven existed on earth, it may very well be in this South African paradise of refreshing drinks, Michael Jackson-obsessed waiters, and free wireless internet. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.
This Eden hides on the main strip near the University of Cape Town. If it has any signage, it’s obscured by large trees—I thought it was a dentist’s office for my first few days here. But the whispers of free internet circulated and soon throngs of wireless-starved and Facebook-obsessed Americans made plans to visit the café.
The interior smacks of sunshine, with white, yellow, and orange everywhere. One side features a wall covered in alphabet magnets, which the waiters have arranged to say “Obama=Bliss.” There’s a basket with blankets and games like Monopoly and Jenga and a table stacked with magazines of every genre. Pastries adorn the countertop and bottles of hard liquor are propped upside down behind it, at-the-ready for shots when the slow wireless has got you cranky. The mirror in the bathroom says “You are beautiful,” but the African waiters will tell you the same in between their renditions of “Thriller” and old Craig David songs. And I haven’t even gotten to the food.
My first time around was a bowl of Bulgarian yogurt with meusli, papaya, pineapple, apple, and dried banana. In a place that seems casual, I was surprised to find they’d artfully drizzled a honey swirl across the bowl’s rim and dashed some cinnamon on there, too. Their drink specialty is the Crush, and the Mango Mint Crush gave me brainfreeze after blissful brainfreeze. The Chai Chiller aint half bad, either.
Moving on to sandwiches. While my dining companion wasn’t wowed by the sloppy mess of a cheeseburger, Cocoa specializes more in healthy fare. She sampled the Sun-dried Tomato and Feta Tramezzini during another visit and while the bread was a little too much for the minimal amount of ingredients, the taste was on par with other Cocoa fare. Their chicken and avocado wrap features orange-tinted chicken that tasted like tarragon, and all these sandwiches come served with a side of roasted veggies and the best fried potato wedges I have ever tasted—no joke, they actually look like potatoes and go perfectly with the South African ketchup that actually tastes like tomatoes!
Other winners on the menu include the Pesto Almond Pasta, grilled cheese and tomato, and grilled mozzarella, olive, and tomato sandwich. These pressed flat “toasters” are served on dark sandwich bread and are kind of a steal if you’re coming here broke. Another money-saver is the Breakfast Expresso, a standard breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast with tomato slices and jam.
Have I still not convinced you to buy that one-way ticket to Cape Town? They offer a make-your-own-muffin service, where you drop by anytime before 11p.m., when they close for the evening, and put in an order for a muffin that you can then pick up the next morning. You can choose from a cocoa or pumpkin base and add things like espresso and white chocolate. Muffins that come standard daily include the spinach and feta, carrot cake, and banana meusli. And the star of their bakery case comes in the form of a chocolate-chocolate cookie with a fudge center that they insist on heating up for you before you eat it. It’s the size of a discus and weighs about the same.
Now that I’ve typed the longest internet café review in the world, I’m going to leave you on this note—all the things I’ve mentioned cost around 50 rand or less, which means you can walk away from Cocoa no more than six American bucks lighter than when you came in. Enjoy your flight.
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